Pre Wedding Journals | Breaking up with a Bridesmaid
Last night one of my girlfriends sought out my advice. She’d seen on one of my recent wedding related stories that a biggest regret of mine was around a certain gal in my bridal party and that she was having issues - Problems that turned out to be far too similar to mine and oh boy, a whole lot of not so great memories were brought up! It’s not something I’ve touched on a lot on here as I prefer to leave things in the past, but I think it’s time to talk and hopefully help those of you finding yourselves in a sticky situation.
I think if we go back in time to the selection process, the telltale sign that you probably shouldn’t have someone as your bridesmaid is, a. if you’re tossing up having them, or b. you’re reluctant to ask them. This could be for any number of reasons, but if you’re finding yourself unsure it’s actually ok to sit on the subject for a while (read: months if you like) until you’re comfortable making a decision either way.
For me, I’d experienced the above and still popped the question. When it came to the organisation of my hens, well, that’s when it all started to fall apart. My bridesmaids were all from different groups, but I thought I was lucky in the sense that they had all met each other a few times before. I was wrong. Let’s call the gal concerned Bridesmaid A. Bridesmaid A shut everyone down, from catty comments to terrible decision making - she literally took over thinking that she knew me best, when in actual fact that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I had her telling me everyone was useless, then my other three girlfriends either telling me how controlling she was or crying on the phone because she’d upset them so much which really made me start to question our friendship as our values clearly weren’t aligning anymore.
Then there was the tea on our wedding day and night which I totally won’t spill on here, but lets just say if I had trusted my gut and made the call earlier it would have caused a heck of a lot less drama. At the end of the day, I’m now stuck with hundreds of photographic memories of a friend I once had who was not even close to being invested in my happiness and looks miserable in 90% of the images of the day, which is the part that most frustrates me.
When it comes down to it, if you’re thinking of breaking up with a bridesmaid for whatever reason, consider the bigger picture. Is the reason you’re feeling let down or uneasy because of personal factors in their life that are making them distant? Maybe you need to have a conversation with them first. Or is this just them? Thinking two, three, five years down the track can you see yourself still being friends with them? That’s a good angle to take. The second is the breakup itself. Do you still want them at your wedding? Depending how your bridesmaid takes it, the friendship may end right then and there so you need to be prepared for a fall out. If you didn’t think your friendship was going to last the distance, maybe ripping the bandaid off is the best thing to do rather than not saying anything and letting the relationship fizzle out.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you’ll be better off in the end. Trust me.