How to Conquer Your Wedding Guest List
Hey Friend,
I don’t think that your eager eyes could be more glued to the screen right now! The wedding guest list is probably the single most daunting wedding task a couple need to work through. Let’s ease up that building tension with a few questions I ask my couples about who to invite to their big day – starting with the best:
Have you seen or spoken to this person regularly in the last year?
Would you go to dinner with them, and I mean just them?
Can you see your friendship still going strong in the next few years?
Do you see them regularly outside of work, gym, any activities?
Is this a pity invite, or one simple because I/we attended their wedding?
If I wasn’t five (read : eight) drinks deep right now, would I be inviting them to our wedding?
Most importantly, are they absolutely over the moon for you two to get married?
Then there are the controversial additions:
Plus Ones
The on-again-off-again partner, the friend of the friend who will know nobody else at your wedding, the ex of another guest who always makes a scene. You don’t need to feel compelled to hand out a plus one to everybody. If it’s going to keep the peace, maybe consider inviting the partner for a boogie and a drink later on in the night, or just to the pre and post-wedding events.
The Longest Standing Friends
You’ve had them as long as you can remember, but these days it’s a bit like Where’s Wally? If your relationship has burnt out, reconsider inviting them – the likelihood is that they probably aren’t expecting an invitation to come their way. If you really feel the need to include them, consider an invite to your engagement, hen or stag party instead.
Your Parents Friends
Their kids went to school with your other siblings, or they’re part of a group your parents belong to. Either way, your parents are adamant they want them in attendance. Sound familiar? No matter who they are, if they aren’t a part of your life don’t feel pressured to invite them – unless of course, your parents are paying for the wedding, then you’re on your own. In this instance, it pays to have an honest and open conversation about everyone’s thoughts and feelings before the ultimate decisions are made.
Children
It’s your big day, so if that means you want the adults to be carefree and let their hair down, don’t be afraid to cut children out of the picture for part or all of your day. Do be sure to clearly state your wishes on the invite, so it’s out in the open and guests can make alternate arrangements well in advance. Be mindful of parents with newborns, or children who are exclusively breastfed - You may want to make exceptions in order for them to attend. Ultimately though, you can choose who attends and that comes right down to the wee ones, so if you want some and not others your decisions should be respected.
You were invited to their wedding
Now, usually, it would go without saying that you reciprocate the gesture, however, if your friendship has significantly faded since their wedding, or you are limited by numbers, don’t feel pressured to pay it forward.
COVID-19 and your Guest List
With this age of pandemic, it brings uncertain times and my biggest piece of advice, without sounding like doomsday is coming, is to prepare for your worst-case scenario.
First things first, you need to determine your priorities. If your guest list is over the limits imposed by the Alert Levels. So far we have seen Level Two bring 50 and 100 guest limits. In either of these instances, are you prepared to go ahead with your wedding? If the answer is yes, create your Plan B & C guest lists. Regardless of your answer, you will need to communicate this with your vendors. Every single vendor has different postponement and cancellation policies so it pays to be honest and upfront - They will do the same in return. The direction from your vendors may also sway your answer as to whether you go ahead or not.
For all guest lists, doing the hard yards now in regards to contact tracing is key to keeping stress levels down as your wedding day draws near. Here is the information you need to be adding to your spreadsheet:
First Name
Last Name
Full Name (These 3 columns are super handy when it comes to creating invitations and stationery)
Home Address
Phone Number
Email
Flight Number
Accommodation Address
RSVP Y/N
Children/s Name/s and Age/s (if you are having them in attendance)
Dietary Requirements
Songs or Special Requests (if this is information you require)
It is also mandatory to ensure that you have NZ COVID Tracer sign-in posters for each location and vehicle related to your day. Anybody can create these, for both public and private events and you don’t have to have an NZBN to do so.
Create your Official NZ COVID Tracer poster HERE.
Here’s an idea - If you don’t like the look and feel of the official posters, you can add the QR code to your Welcome Sign, or dot custom signs that are cohesive with your wedding styling around your locations.
Guest Lists and Your Venue
On the subject of numbers in particular, and taking out the COVID situation, there are generally two common ways to go about your guest count in relation to your South Island Wedding Venue. Firstly, crunch the numbers and see how many guests come up. Whether you’re wanting to have a B (& maybe C) list to make up numbers for non-attendees is entirely up to you. Next, you’ll be well on your way to seeking out venues that can accommodate your numbers. The other option is the reverse. Find a venue you love, and simply make the numbers work. It’s entirely up to how you choose to work it.
If your gut is uneasy over someone, or if anyone is less than 110% happy for you, don't cave! It is a privilege to be on a guest list, and people should understand that there are limitations around budgets and venue capacity, or due to the pandemic, we are all facing. At the end of the day the hard line is that if someone is going to treat you poorly because they missed out on an invite, they’re probably not someone you want to be sharing your day with.
Until next,
Lucy x